I’m no stranger to rejection on social media.
I wrote a nice, friendly note requesting someone’s connection over one of the ubiquitous social media platforms out there, and sent it out to them thinking of all the good things that could come out of it. But alas, to no avail. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Why don’t you like me? Is this rejection in the age of social media?
While I was listening to the crickets chirp, I started to think deeply, as someone tends to do on these occasions. Why did this person ignore me? Was it because I had no social proof? If this has happened to you before, you’re probably asking, “Why don’t you like me?”
Requests for help, and reaching out, is the part of networking that I like the least. When there’s no response, I start panicking and thinking that this person must dislike me because I’m being sooo annoying. But sometimes, the cold shoulder is just really that: they’re ignoring you because they’re busy and don’t have time out of their jam-packed day to pay attention to you.
Everyone has probably experienced requesting a connection through social media only to have it ignored or blocked.
In my case, on the scale of least to most wanted reactions, I should be glad that it fell on the higher end of least harmful reactions. At least this person didn’t openly berate me or shame me on social media, or report me to the authorities.
I shouldn’t be surprised, because this probably happens all the time, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit hurt, for all of a few seconds. Then I moved on and promptly forgot all about it.
Should we just be friends?
In the age of social media, how to choose your friends is relatively easy. You either accept a friend request, or you don’t. And you remove their connection if you no longer want to be friends. Rejection in the age of social media is so easy.
In the olden days, what happens when a friendship turns sour and goes awry? You would still have to see them everyday, but social media is changing what friendship means. You interact with them by sitting behind a computer and when you’re online, they’re easier to avoid. It became easier to make friends, but on the flip side, it is also easier to end a friendship.
It’s also easy to post something on social media without getting a lot of reactions or comments. They’re ignoring your post, not even reading it or paying attention, or at worst, ridiculing you.
I sometimes fear putting myself out there, opening myself up to rejection, but it’s something I have to do each time I post a blog post. Sending out a post and waiting passively for the number of reactions to climb is a nail bitter.
Sometimes it feels like rejection if there’s not that much of a response. Rejection hurts, and sometimes when there are hundreds of connections that could’ve responded, the multiplier effect amplifies that rejection.
The same goes for connection or friend requests. “Why don’t you like me?” you ask. You feel like you’re pestering people.
Wait, why can’t we be friends?
When you’re networking to find a new job role, for example, you find out that it’s not only who you know, it’s who wants to know you in return.
The digital era makes it easier to make a ton of friends as well as to lose them, and instantly. All in one instant, your social proof can go up or down, and if you’re riding the waves as a way of cashing in on your popularity, you better watch out when that luck turns. People are fickle, and social media is the most excellent tool for them to act out that fickleness.
In the olden days (and I’m talking about the past twenty or thirty years), friendship used to be about meeting up in person and going for a (real) coffee. Virtual meetings are convenient, and so easily set up, and dropped.
Ignoring someone is passive rejection, and so easy to do because it’s doing nothing at all. I’ve been at the receiving end of passive rejection, and obviously it’s not nice.
It’s unsurprisingly easy to be annoying over social media. Asking for a favour too many times will definitely get annoying. You might think of it as persistence or perseverance, but it’s just being irritating, and I might be guilty of this, too.
If someone is being a pest, ignoring them is the best thing you can do.
Friendship, monetize this!
The number of likes and reactions on a post could translate into a hefty sum of money. These micro approvals are a commodity. The clicks, when added together, can mean a big payout. Tally up the number of reactions, and you get your net worth in social proof. If you’re really popular online, you’d obviously want to use this to your advantage if you’re looking for ways to make money.
Ever since you asked, “Why don’t we be friends?” to someone you met online, your next question might have been, “How can I monetize this? How can I use your friendship to further my own agenda?” It sounds cruel and self-interested, but that question is top of mind for some business-minded people.
You can literally spin social media likes into gold, and a lot of it. Remember when friendship used to mean so much more than clicks and likes?
Friends? In the age of social media, who needs those?
The number of likes can translate into money, and lots of it. Friendship shouldn’t be a commodity. Are we friends because I expect something in return? In the age of social media, that answer might be yes, and might be all friendship is now about.
If you’re being strategic about who you’re friends with, you’re looking for a friendship that, after you spend time cultivating, will get the best return on your investment.
Money does change the way you think about friendship. Friendship becomes transactional, an exchange of mutually beneficial goods and services. Social media is the gateway to becoming popular, fast, with the least amount of effort.
Like it or not, pun intended, friendship is no longer measured by how much time you spend together or whether you truly care about the other. Friendship is now measured by how much influence you have on your friend’s buying decisions and where they choose to spend their time online.
Is friendship losing its meaning because of social media?
The social media royalty wins, big time, while the rest of us commoners are struggling to gain traction. I’m not complaining about the fact that the game is rigged. I’m complaining about not getting in on the secret myself, what everyone who has an enterprising online presence thinks but few will admit to.
When friendship becomes strategic, that’s when friendship loses meaning. We’re not friends, we’re business partners. You give me your approval, and I give you money. It’s that simple. Most want to get the greatest amount of money out of it with the least moves and least effort.
Making–and losing–friends on social media is so easy to do, that we do it all the time without giving much thought to it. Rejection in the age of social media is easy. Some people I know like to streamline things a bit, cut off a few former friends like you would shed a few pounds here and there. So I shouldn’t be concerned if all I get is a lack of response or reaction.
Do you depend on approval from your peers through social media?
Do you only have virtual friends and not real friends? Are you asking “why don’t you like me?” too often? My advice is to separate your self-worth from your social media persona. When you’re a social media influencer, and everything about your persona hangs on the number of reactions and likes, it’s easy to lose sight of reality.
Keep in mind that it’s not because they don’t like you, it’s because they barely know you even though they might seem like real friends or enemies. They don’t know who you really are like in person, they just know the image you project online, and that’s but a fraction of you as a whole. I had mentioned this in my blog post on social currency.
Want social proof? Look at my social media following
Why don’t you like me? I have an active albeit modest social following but apparently that’s not good enough.
One day you’re a nobody and the next your social status has been elevated to the stratosphere. It happens frequently now. Overnight success is definitely possible.
The most they can do is ignore you, not call the cops on you for stalking them. It’s a new form of social ostracization, annoying but completely forgettable and harmless.
It stings. You feel low about yourself for a day or two, you ask, “Why don’t you like me?” then you get over it.
How do you win this game? Easy. If you can’t defeat the cold shoulder, just let it be.
Things shift quickly on the internet. Losers become winners and vice versa. Trying to map out a viable strategy is anyone’s best guess. And look at the bright side. Social media is never boring and never predictable. Fighting for their undivided attention might be a lost cause. Rejection in the age of social media has never been so hurtful and so easy to do.
Does this mean that we can’t make real friends online? No. But it just gets harder to find true friends this way.