In a world that is designed to tap into hyper social interconnectedness, will the solitary individual always be at a disadvantage?
What’s the opposite of a social butterfly? I tried to find an equivalent, pithy analogy that relates sociability to a similar class of arthropods, but the closest I can get to is “unsocial worm”, which might be correct but doesn’t ring true as an apt metaphor.
Like some people, I dislike crowds. Standing in a crowded bus with a press of bodies invading my personal space or waiting in line at the grocery store is unnecessarily aggravating to me. With nothing to focus my attention on but the tabloids at the magazine stand next to the cash register, my mind wanders to all the other things I could be doing with my time besides exchanging sympathetic glances with the mom who has a screaming baby sitting in the shopping cart while waiting in line along with all the other humans who are doing what is essential to survival: the overdue jaunt to the grocery store that I’ve been putting off all week.
Again, like an appreciable percentage of people, I tend to be introverted and don’t mind solitude in place of companionship. But you don’t have to be a loner to realize that it can be difficult or downright impossible to live among other humans. When it feels impossible to execute the simplest of human interactions, it can be depressing thinking of the repeated failure of getting what you want out of life without having to involve another human being in the process. I wish it was a little less crowded.
Even so, the dire statistic that the human population is reaching 8 billion (according to the United Nations) signals that we are running out of resources, space, and the capacity on Earth to support the survival of every one of them. Overcrowding, higher rates of unemployment, and the housing crisis are the sore issues faced by urbanites. It’s also a well-documented observation that violence and crime occur most often in densely populated areas.
How do we live among other humans without descending into anarchy, chaos, and wanting to kill each other?
Humans live in communities, whether they like it or not, and whether they choose to or are forced to do so involuntarily. They rely on each other for the basic necessities: food, shelter, clothing, and all the other crucial, non-tangible benefits such as companionship and protection. Living in a community is never conflict-free: humans are often driven to violence, crime, and impulsivity even though it is not in their long-term interests to be violent criminals.
Why is there conflict? What motivates people to commit a crime? Humans have base human emotions that motivate them to act out in the worst ways imaginable, such as jealousy, greed, and envy. Inequality proliferates because of an imbalanced access to wealth and opportunities. It’s just not fair that other people get to have and do all the things that you wish that you could. There is competition for resources even though there is abundance, because we don’t like to settle for good enough when we can get the best.
To understand why, we have to look at what I believe to be the phenomenon of diminishing return, which occurs when a multiplication of individuals presents increasing availability but reduces meaningful interaction to nil. An increased number of humans means an increased number of available interactions but inversely correlates the number of deeper connections made with one another. In this way, humans suffer from abundance.
Even when there is plenty, abundance can lead to scarcity. Here’s what I mean. When there’s only five fish in a pond, four identical crayfish and one goldfish, it’s easy to spot the goldfish. However, if there is an abundant number of fish in the ocean, it’s hard to single out that exact goldfish. We suffer from abundance: too much information, too many people, too many options.
The value of something increases the more in demand it is, and the more rare it is. More people equals more demand. The same goes for rarity: the more people there are, the more scarce something is. It’s harder to find the proverbial one in a sea of millions, i.e. a needle in a haystack is the usual analogy. There will always be winners and losers where there is competition, especially when the resources are limited. That’s why people will do anything they can to get ahead, because they are forced to be selfish in order to compete and be successful.
It might be an oversimplification as to why conflict exists, but the point is, the loner will go through great lengths to avoid encounters that are mired in conflict, which means avoiding other humans.
Is there no hope for the misfit, the ones who just don’t belong?
If there’s anything that I’ve learned, it’s that you have to accept the fact that you can’t go it alone. There are many instances from past experience where I’ve learned that being the misfit for an extended period of time will cause you to learn things the hard way, so it’s easier if you just surrender and save yourself the unnecessary grief of pretending that everything is okay as a misfit when it really isn’t.
I challenge you to think of a movement in social change that was not brought about by teamwork and collaboration, but by one person working in solitude. People have to work together to create change. I understand that needing people when they are unreliable is a drag. But people need other people, whether it be their peers, family members, casual acquaintances, colleagues or collaborators. This is a statement that you may feel strongly against. You can argue that you’re ultimately independent and self-sufficient and don’t like counting on other people to do their part perfectly. But everyone needs something from someone.
What can you do to resolve conflict in relationships with a significant other, families, co-workers, or colleagues at work? Collaborating, working together as a team, using and contributing your own specialities (i.e. abilities that others don’t have) is essential to keep the moving parts of a whole running like a well-oiled machinery. Set aside your ego. Be more considerate of feelings. Think of conflict as a way of creatively resolving your differences.
If you’re not inclined to be sociable, the future is not entirely hopeless. My advice is, choose wisely. Know who are your current friends and potential enemies. Choose people who will back you up and support you, not bring you down and minimize you. To live among other humans, you have to realize that you’re part of a broader ecosystem that keeps spinning only if everyone helps one another.
Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and perspectives and it’s perfectly fine to feel like the world is too crowded for someone like yourself. To live among other humans, there needs to be a compromise, and this means giving up a little bit of space so that there is always room for one more.