There’s a concept in game theory that we help others because ultimately, it helps ourselves.
It’s widely debated, and speculated, about why we are altruistic. The idea forms one of the principles in the theory of evolution. We help others because in some way, cooperation is better than antagonism. It ensures that our genes are passed onto future generations, making us more evolutionarily fit. But the problem is, altruism sometimes opposes our own self-interests.
1. Can we truly be altruistic?
Altruism is the act of being selfless, and looking out for the well-being of others above your own. It’s the willingness to help without any ulterior motive or expecting any rewards in return.
Is there such a thing as true altruism? It’s easy, when we’re our most cynical, to conclude that we help others because we have ulterior motives, or a hidden agenda.
I was thinking about this when I was at a networking event, introducing myself to the other networkers and finding out what they did for a living. As with any networking event, there’s a lot of requests for introductions to other people. Some people might not like networking because they are uncomfortable with asking strangers for favours, especially if they can’t return the favour. As someone who works for a large corporation, I’ve had such requests from people I’ve just only met. Any introduction that I made would potentially open a lot of doors for anyone who asks.
If someone reaches out to me for a favour, and it’s within my power to help them, I’m happy to oblige. I’m always willing to do a good deed, but it made me think. I started questioning whether I do it because I expected something in return.
I thought about what kind of a person I would be if I set about doing good deeds without expecting anything in return, if I learned to pay it forward. So with this in mind, I agreed to introduce them to someone from my network.
2. No good deeds…
When we’re the recipient of the kindness of strangers, we’re compelled to act charitable to others in return. You feel good about yourself afterwards. And when we rely on kindness, and someone else’s good will and genuine interest to see us do well, we’re indebted to them.
Were these the same reactions I had after helping them? Was I glad to help, or resentful that I didn’t get anything in return besides their gratitude?
Is it true that no good deed goes unpunished? Let’s say I did something as inconsequential as giving up my seat on the bus to someone else. Will something bad happen to me if I am nice to others?
As someone who doesn’t feel as if I was often on the receiving end of good luck, or goodwill, what would happen if I freely gave away kindness without expecting anything in return?
In all honesty, it felt a little unfair that I should be helping people when I haven’t always been at the receiving end of an altruistic act of kindness. It’s not a pleasant feeling, especially when things are so competitive, to see someone that you help win, but feel like you’re left out when you’re not winning, too.
But I did this expecting nothing in return except for, possibly, their gratitude. If gratitude is all I will get, should that be enough?
3. A good samaritan
Through some convoluted karmic conspiracy, you may find yourself at the receiving end of a good deed. It could’ve probably been the consequence of something you did a few years ago, good or bad, that is now returned to you four-fold.
In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have to work hard at being altruistic. In this ideal world, being altruistic, and in general a good samaritan, would be as easy to you as any other rational behaviour.
Maybe in the grand scheme of things, these small acts of kindness won’t have changed anything, and won’t have any lasting impact. I have to remember to put aside thoughts of only doing things for my own gain. After all, what’s the purpose of attending networking events if I wasn’t ready to help other people. What was I doing there in the first place?
4. What stops us from trying to be altruistic?
It could be that we don’t have time, energy or resources to do a good deed. Or we could be resistant to doing any good deeds because we have to look out for ourselves first and foremost.
In my opinion, altruism, or the lack thereof, has a lot to do with competition.
Society doesn’t allow us to be as altruistic as we might wish. We’re more cautious about where and how we expend our energy and resources. We’re taught to be selfish because it ensures our survival. How can we be altruistic when there is so much competition and helping others will actually hurt us in the end?
Nice people finish last, but it shouldn’t have to be this way. It’s time to change this. We shouldn’t have to worry that our good deeds will come back to haunt us. There are ways to be selfless and giving without sacrificing our well-being or personal success.
5. Why we should be more altruistic
My own small acts of kindness are just small waves in an ocean.
Last month, it was the season for giving and spreading good cheer. You would’ve surely seen many examples of this during the holidays. Doing things without expecting anything in return is the best thing you can do as an upstanding citizen, even when it’s not a holiday. Holidays are reminders that get you in the spirit of giving, but we could do much more than that. Your actions have a far greater impact than you can imagine.
We could do with more optimism and faith that people will behave kindly in return if we do something good and selfless.